I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
