i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
