can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
