what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
