He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
