Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
