tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
