She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
