He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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