I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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