Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
