Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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