i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
