she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
