And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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