When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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