I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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