I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
