Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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