for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
