I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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