just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
