you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
