Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
