I'd wear matching sweaters with you
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
