How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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