How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Randomize
