It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
