If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
