from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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