Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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