Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
