Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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