i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
