Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
