I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
