i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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