I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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