He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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