the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
