if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You made out with two different species that night
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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