Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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