It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
