I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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