What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
