haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The ass gains better be worth it
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
