One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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