So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
