Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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