my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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