She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
