You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
