We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i love accidental penises.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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