Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
