so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
