Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
