My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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